This is a long one, but I promise a happy ending.
Dave
Dave
Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.
The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.
One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.
The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.
At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!
The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!
As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.
But neither happened!
The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly…
As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.
As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.
Four years ago my daughter Mary decided on an education in Culinary Arts. She wanted to go away to college and chose the Culinary Institute of America. I didn't want her to go right away, I just didn't feel she was quite ready to be so far from home. I asked her to stay and do one year of community college here before going. I believe that one year could make a difference. Well, she didn't want to wait and everyone else said, "She should go."
We packed her bags and took her and her mother to Long Beach Airport. Her mother was going to help her settle in at the dorm and make sure that she had all she needed till we saw her again at Christmas. I cried so hard at the airport, afraid of what life would be like for her without me to help her (as I had done for the last eighteen years.) I would miss her so very much, but this was her wish and I didn't want to take away this chance at having happiness. She appeared confident and didn't cry at the airport.
They arrived safely and got a motel room close to the school. The next day they put her belongings into her dorm room and attended some orientation classes. She didn't want to stay at the dorm room she went back to the motel with her mother. The next day was the similar (more orientation by teachers and counselors.)Again she would not stay in the dorm, she went back to the motel with her mother. The fourth day she didn't want to continue, she wanted to come home. She had not eaten in days and could not sleep. Mary didn't know anyone and realized she was 3000 miles away from home. She was overwhelmed!
Her mother called me and said, "You need to get a ticket for her to fly home with me. She hasn't eaten or slept in days and wants to come home. I have already talked to the school about getting our money back for part of this first semester." I told her mother, "Put Mary on the phone." Mary got on the phone as I asked, "Mary, what are you feeling?" She responded, "I just want to go home." She started to cry which made me cry. I was the only one who didn't want her to go and now I had to do the hardest thing I have ever done. I told her, "You can't come home, you need to stay and finish this semester. If you finish this semester and don't want to go back in January than that's fine, but you have to stay." She didn't answer me, I could hear her softly crying and putting down the phone. Her mother picked up the phone as I repeated what I had just told Mary. I also told her mother to take her to the school counselor (who had probably dealt with this before.) I told her mother that it was time to come home and Mary was not to come with her.
I knew that if I allowed Mary to come home at that point in her life she would never develop wings of her own. She would likely not finish anything. I didn't want to teach her to quit. This was so hard! Mary stayed. That first month was tough. We would call her every night. I would e-mail her stories about my life and advice on meeting people. She didn't know anyone there and she was a bit introverted.
She made friends. She did well in classes. She survived. She came home at Christmas and decided to stay in school. Mary just celebrated one year as a chef at the famous Maialino Restaurant in the Gramercy Hotel in New York. She taught culinary at a school in Italy for six weeks last summer. She lives in Brooklyn and goes back and forth on the subway everyday and night to work. She pays all of her living expenses at the tender age of 22!
My little caterpillar has become a beautiful Butterfly!!!
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