Most embarrassing moment or funniest?

  I was having the lunch buffet with my friend Chris at Harrah's in Laughlin.  I was filling my plate and  grabbed some Calamari with Cocktail Sauce (it was actually a special red Wasabi sauce which had a Scoville heat guide of maybe 16,000,000!!!)  I sat down and put a tablespoon of this yellow cake uranium in my mouth.  I thought that something was wrong with the speakers in the restaurant because all I could hear was the sound of the ocean rushing through my ears.  That's when it hit. Pain! I couldn't sense taste, just pain.  I swallowed as fast as I could, which felt like I was swallowing a lit Roman Candle.  Chris wasn't sure what was wrong with me.  I pointed to the sauce with one hand as I was wiping tears off my cheeks with the other.  He dipped one ting of his fork in the mixture and put it in his mouth.  He instantly grabbed his water and was chugging as fast as he could.  He asked how much I ate and I told him (after I regained the power of speech.)  He shook his head and said, "You're going to feel this stuff come out the exit later on (as he laughed maniacally!)
    Five hours later we are in the Ramada Express Casino.  Kevin and Chris decided to play some video poker at the bar while I had found a quarter poker machine on the floor.  Now I had not been lucky the entire weekend (gambling or choosing items to put in my mouth), but this machine was paying off! I had put in twenty dollars and had it up to nearly one hundred dollars when it happened.  I felt a movement in my lower bowels that made me think of that famous scene in "Alien." Something wicked wanted out and didn't want to wait in line, if you know what I mean.  As soon as that feeling hit me, I stood straight up.  My eyes rapidly went left to right looking for that very important "Restroom" sign.  Just as I saw it I felt something move and not in the good way.  This was it!! I was about to lose all control of my bowels.  I looked down and hit "Cash Out" on the machine (Nowadays slot machines give you a ticket which can be redeemed at the Cashiers window, back then you would have a bucket to catch all of the nickels, dimes or quarters that came out.)  I started to do the "pee pee dance" while I was watching the coins come out of the machine.  Except, instead of coming out quickly this evil machine pushing them out with great reluctance.  After a minute only a couple of dollars had come out and I couldn't wait any longer.  I grabbed my bucket and yelled, "I'll be back!"  Hoping that no one would steal the rest of my money.
   I was still about fifty feet from the bathroom when I knew that I couldn't hold it in any longer.  I made a fist with my right hand and shoved it as far up my shorts as humanly possible.  With this self imposed "homemade cork" I waddled the rest of the way to my destination.  As I pushed my past the door to the stall and locked it I could almost feel sweet mental relief that I had not embarrassed  myself in public.  As I turned around to sit down, I started to unbuckle my belt and realized that I needed to remove my other hand to pull down my shorts.  As soon as I moved this hand I thought the space shuttle had gone overhead.  There was such a loud "boom!"  I looked down and was horrified by what I saw.  That wasabi mixture had killed all the bacteria in my small and large intestines and had liquified all the contents of said area.  It look as if someone had turned over an industrial drum of sludge onto the ground.  The beginning and the end of my shorts and underwear was a true "Columbo" mystery.  The next half hour and ALL of the toilet paper available was used to clean up the awful mess.
    I threw away my shorts and underwear.  Then I realized that I needed something to cover me up.  I started to make myself a paper towel skirt (if you can picture me pulling up and down furiously on the towel dispenser with one hand while the other hand was wrapping the continuous towel around me.) At this point a customer came through the door of the bathroom.  Our eyes met and then he looked down at what I was doing.  As if you were rewinding a show on television, this guy walked backwards out of the bathroom without making a sound.  I also found out that I couldn't walk very well in this new attire, so I took it off and dug my degraded shorts out of the trash.  After giving my shorts a "Silkwood Shower Scrubdown" I put them on and left the bathroom.  I went straight to the machine that I had been playing and of course it was empty.  My faith in mankind has wavered ever since.
    I imagine that somewhere in the Security office of the Ramada Express there had to be some guy who saw this whole fiasco unfold.  Whoever that is has a great story to tell on Holidays about the guy walking through the casino with a fist up his ass.

   So I'll ask, "Do you think that was more embarrassing or funny?"