I have experienced a very rocky and winding road the past three years. I went from being married for twenty five years to being divorced. I went from being the father of three teenagers to being the father of three adults who live or are moving far away. I moved out of my very beautiful 3000 sq. ft. home to a very cute 900 sq. ft. home. I went from having two parents to just one. I went through a very taxing IRS audit( pun intended. ) I had probably the worst experience of all - a court divorce with someone who wanted to break me emotionally and financially. I also experienced more joy than I ever have with Julie, who gives me a smile and all her love every day. All of that being said, I don't know what normal is anymore.
During my divorce process Julie and I keep saying, "we can't wait for this to be over so life can get back to normal." But life just keeps changing on us. Her mother died in the fall of last year and my dad died exactly six weeks later. Julie's favorite 50 year old cousin died three weeks after dad. We were so very sad last Christmas from all the loss and yet we threw a Christmas Eve party for her family. Well to be accurate Julie and I cooked and cleaned for several days beforehand and then she went to church with her family while I met Bobby (my son) at Yen Chings (our traditional Christmas Eve dinner for nearly twenty years.) Mark couldn't make it because he was sick and Mary was in New York unable to get away from work. I had a great time with Bobby, but something or someone was missing. He went back to his room at his mother's apartment and I went back to Julie's condo to start cooking for her family. Everyone had a great time and I even dressed up as Santa.
Like I said, "It was a very nice evening, it just didn't feel normal." For anyone! The next morning was a breakfast at her fathers house, but somehow the mood was dreary. Her mother wasn't there anymore. That puts a different light on any celebration when there are freshly empty chairs. My mom stayed in St. Louis with her cousins for the holidays to keep from reminding us that dad was gone. We couldn't forget, we could just go on. Is this the new normal?
Right now Julie and I would like to move from our little place to one with one more room. Right now we are in 900 sq feet and would love to have just a little more for visitors, storage and just a little more space. Moving is always stressful. Physically it is challenging, especially in our later years. Emotionally it is both exciting and scary. Julie is better at the unknown than I am. We both would love to have one more room and to start off in a place together that we can pick out as a couple would be ideal. When this happens (we need to sell the condo first) we will move to a new neighborhood with new neighbors. This is not a bad thing, just a continuing trend of change in my life. Is this the new normal?
Personally, Julie and I have been experiencing bodily changes. Not the good kind when you turn thirteen. She is going through menopause and I am going through andropause. We both get "hot flashes" of different degrees ( pun intended again.) Julie has an issue with her lips that makes it look as if we have been "making out" all weekend, except we haven't. We have both gained weight and we have both become moodier. Very unlike us (especially Julie - she has been a ray of sunshine her whole life.) Is this the new normal?
The more I write the more I believe that my life is never going to be boring. I think that normal must mean that you know exactly what tomorrow brings and today there were no surprises. Whether or not that 's a good thing is for each person to determine. Just imagine if you didn't get the bad surprises (like dad dying,) but also never got the good ones (like my surprise birthday party!) What if you never took a chance? Imagine what you would have missed out on. Perhaps I could have stayed in a more normal (not very happy) life, but then I wouldn't be with Julie. That would've been the greatest loss of all.
I think I found my normal.
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